12/7/41 and 9/11/01 “It felt like a double whammy”

My son had just woken up and I had him in my arms and the phone rang and my sister-in-law was calling from Texas. She said, “Turn on the TV, turn on the TV!” And so I didn’t even have my contacts in, so I could barely see, so I had the TV on and I was sort of squinting and looking real close at it and I see these like flaming buildings and you know just so many things went through my mind at that moment. And I really felt like a double whammy, because I’m like, I’m afraid that I’m going to be in a building that’s going to get hit at some point. And then there’s just the sheer sadness that I felt for the people that were involved. And then there was this impending sort of doom for what’s going to happen to the Muslim community in America.

Aftermath “Everything changed for everybody”

Just for my own child, I just felt so sad that this was an event from the first year of his life and whenever I remember the first year of my son’s life, I’m going to remember that this was the time that everything changed for everybody. And I knew that things were going to be different, but you know you kind of have to, I guess put that sort of, almost, I feel like I have to put that sort of paranoia aside just to sort of deal with life on a daily basis. And, you know, although the memories of all that are still there and very raw . . . you go on.

Fear “I didn’t want to be the target”

After 9/11 there was about a week where I didn’t go out. Mostly for fear of the reaction. It was natural for people to have a reaction and to be scared. And so I wasn’t really faulting anybody for that, but I didn’t want to be the target of any of it and I didn’t want my child to have to be subject to any of that. So I thought, I’ll give it a week. Build up my own confidence. Let people out there sort of settle in a bit and let the reality hit them, and then I’ll see what happens.

Identity “It’s just something personal between me and God”

Although I was born Muslim, there was a certain point in my life where I had to say I really want to follow this lifestyle. It’s not just something that my parents gave me as a part of my birth, but I believe in this and I want to do this. So when I was 13, I kind of made a decision towards that end and I decided that wearing the scarf would help me along, because when you’re a teenager, there’s so many influences out there. I didn’t go to a Muslim school or anything, I just went to a regular school and I was interested in a lot of the things that the other girls and boys were interested in and I felt like having the scarf would sort of set me aside. It would in my own eyes and in everybody else’s eyes. Since then, when I went to college, it became something different. You know, college was the whole spiritual journey where you become involved in student groups and that sort of thing. And then now, I just think it’s something personal between me and God. Something that I’ve chosen to do and I continue to do because it benefits my relationship with God.